Who am I? The Real Me

Who am I? The Real Me

People often ask others on the phone who they are. Normally, this is responded to with their name. Now think about yourself. Ask yourself who you are. Most people go through their whole lives trying to find the answer to that question. I will often tell people I am a confident person and that I know who I am. As I ask myself this question, I am not sure how to respond.

I know I am not the same person I was when I was younger. I have changed so much or over the years and I am still going through a metamorphosis right now. I was a very shy child growing up. I always had the best manners and would speak when spoken to. Inside, I was like the spawn of Satan. I did not like anyone and viewed everyone as a threat. I was afraid of being hurt and would not allow myself to be vulnerable. I did not have any friends when I was little. I grew to a place where I did not dislike everyone. I had a lot of love to give but no one to give it to. I remember confessing to my parents how sad I was that I did not have any friends. I could tell this made them sad too. They told me that I needed to not be so shy and be more outgoing.

When I became a teenager, I opened up. Some may say I was too open. I wore skimpy clothes and a lot of makeup. I developed a thick skin and was not afraid to tell people exactly what I thought. It was an enormous transformation from my personality when was younger. I had long blonde hair, fair skin, and a toned body. Boys wanted me and I knew it. I would use this to my advantage. I was also very depressed but rarely showed it. I felt as though all my sadness, hurt, and anger would get trapped inside me. The only way I could release it would be to cut myself. I also did this to enhance my pain tolerance. If anyone tried to hurt me, I would be sure I could ignore it and block the pain.

Then I started going to church. I tried to become the stereotypical innocent church-going girl. I dressed modestly and was very quite. It was as if I had fallen back into my former self. I recall someone I know recollecting the first time they saw me at church. The church I attend is mostly contemporary. The first time I attended was on a Wednesday night for supper. I recall looking around at all the elderly people and they were dressed up nicely. I was wearing a sweater and a modest skirt. All of a sudden, I see a boy walk in with a huge mohawk, pierced ear, chains, and wearing flip flops. I was shocked. I had never seen anything like that especially in a church before. I asked “What is that?” I wanted so badly to meet him and I did. I thought he was insane. As time passed on, I wanted to get closer to him but it did not seem possible. I forced myself to be more outgoing and now that boy is one of my best friends.

The person I am now is a blend of these things. I am shy but also honest. I get depressed like everyone but I put it into poetry instead of hurting myself. I am a confident person who is also insecure about some things. I realize the thing I love most in my life is the love. I have such a variety of friends. Some are shy and innocent while others are sex addicts. I seem to fit into both groups. As odd as that is, I find it to be a gift. Today, I made some new friends. All of them are different from each other as well; one girl in particular. This girl I have been intimidated b y all semester long. I did want to get to know her. She is a good friend of one of my best friends so I figured if he thinks so highly over, she can not be that bad. Today, she was sitting at our lunch table and some of us were discussing Christmas and Santa Clause. We were saying how none of us had a fireplace and she mentioned she did and that we should all come over and hang out at her house around Christmas time. After that, we carried on a long conversation over french fries, which she shared with me and others. I feel like I am still molding myself into who I want to be. The things I like best about myself are my heart and protectiveness. Once I love you, I will fight tooth to nail for you. You have my complete loyalty. I realize I still have trust issues. It takes a while for me to completely trust someone. I am always cautious in my relationships. At times, I wish I were more trusting; other times I am glad I am not so that I will not be deceived easily as others may be. So who am I? I am an eighteen year old freshman at Macon State College who is still trying to find herself. I am a girl, a friend to many, and at time motherly.It is a scary journey to have to go through. I am always question things and most of the time the thing I question most is myself and my motives. I also know I have a safety net. I know through it all I will have my loved ones by my side. Something that frightens me is when I have to transfer colleges for Physical Therapy. I know I will not have my family and friends in whatever state I move to but I know I will when I come home. As long as I have love and I am loved, I am content with the person I am.

Respect Mostly For The Alligators

Prompt: The Aliigator River Story

In "The Alligator River Story", Abigal wants to be with her love named Gregory but he lives on the other side of the alligator infested river. Her only way of getting to Gregory is through Sinbad via his riverboat. Sinbad's terms are that Abigal must have sexual intercourse with him in order for him to take her. She declined at once. She tried confiding in her friend Ivan but he wants nothing to do with it. She sees no alternative so she agrees to Sinbad's terms. He fulfills his end of the deal and delivers her into Gregory's arms. Upon telling Gregory of her adventure, he turns her away. Heart broken, she confides in her friend Slug about her woes. Slug's beats up Gregory for harming Abigal. Abigal is over joyed seeing Gregory feel the same pain he put her through.At sun set, you can still hear Abigal laughing at Gregory.

My highest respect is for Abigal. I give her my number one spot. She sacraficed herself respect for Gregory. Her love for him surpassed her love for herself. By having sex with Sinbad, she must have felt shame in her actions but probably felt it would be worth it to be in Gregory's arms again. Having been rejected by Gregory after going through what she did, I understand her need for vengence. If a man did that to me, I'd want revenge as well and seeing him get it would delight me.

My number two spot for respect is for Slug. His actions to defend his friend that he loves is respectable to me. Violence normally isn't commendable but I think in this case that it should be. My number three spot of respect is for Gregory. Although I do not agree with his actions, I understand he must have been hurting finding out that his love had just slept with another man. However, his decision to reject her is disgusting to me.

My fourth spot is for Ivan. Even though he was only mentioned breifly, I feel the need to give him acknowledgement. His decision to stay out of his friend's delima is a choice many of us would have chosen. My fifth and least respected spot in for Sinbad. His terms of Abigal only getting passage over the river by having sex with him is vile. Such actions are only done my the lowest of lows in my opinion.

My Own Beliefs: Do Not Confuse It

Prompt: Metaphysical Assumptions

Everyone one of us has a metaphysical assumption. Metaphtsical assumptions are what you base your life upon. This would be something such a religion. My metaphysical assumption is based upon Christian beliefs. While a good bit of the time my views often conflict with my religion, I still hold Christianity as my religion of choice and base my metaphysical assumptions upon it.

There are ten major beliefs that Christians share. They are:



Christian beliefs
Below is a list of some things that Christians believe:

1. God created all that is seen and unseen
2. Jesus is the Son of God and is One with God
3. Jesus was conceived of the Holy Spirit and born of the virgin Mary
4. Jesus suffered and was crucified
5. Jesus died and was buried
6. Jesus rose again (the Resurrection)
7. Jesus ascended into Heaven
8. Jesus will return to judge the living and the dead
9. People who repent their sins will be forgiven
10. Anyone can have salvation

One of the most important passage is John 3:16 (NIV):
"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life."

I believe in all of these things. This is what Christianity is supposed to be based upon. However, some hold other things more highly. I think some christians take the Bible to seriously. I think it is all in how you interpret it. At time people take so far as to call drinking a glass of wine unholy even though Jesus himself drank wine.

My metaphysical assumptions are that Jesus died on the cross for my sins. I believe that no matter what he is always watching and only he can judge. I believe that whatever happens in life, God knows it will happen, even if it was the work of the Devil. God always hears your prayers and based upon how powerfully you believe something and how God feels it should be, that decides what will happen. I think God wants you to be able to live your own life and not always fear his wrath. As long as you love him and put him above all, you are living a christian life.

Yes, at times my view conflict with the religion. I believe in gay marriage and mixed marriages if people choose to do so. I do not think God judges by your skin color or your sexual preference. He judges based upon your heart and intentions. I am not as conservative as some devoted Christians may like for me to be. I think on my own and decide upon events based upon knowledge but do use religion as my base and guideline. I believe as long as I live a good life and believe and trust in God, I will go to Heaven.