Who am I? The Real Me

Who am I? The Real Me

People often ask others on the phone who they are. Normally, this is responded to with their name. Now think about yourself. Ask yourself who you are. Most people go through their whole lives trying to find the answer to that question. I will often tell people I am a confident person and that I know who I am. As I ask myself this question, I am not sure how to respond.

I know I am not the same person I was when I was younger. I have changed so much or over the years and I am still going through a metamorphosis right now. I was a very shy child growing up. I always had the best manners and would speak when spoken to. Inside, I was like the spawn of Satan. I did not like anyone and viewed everyone as a threat. I was afraid of being hurt and would not allow myself to be vulnerable. I did not have any friends when I was little. I grew to a place where I did not dislike everyone. I had a lot of love to give but no one to give it to. I remember confessing to my parents how sad I was that I did not have any friends. I could tell this made them sad too. They told me that I needed to not be so shy and be more outgoing.

When I became a teenager, I opened up. Some may say I was too open. I wore skimpy clothes and a lot of makeup. I developed a thick skin and was not afraid to tell people exactly what I thought. It was an enormous transformation from my personality when was younger. I had long blonde hair, fair skin, and a toned body. Boys wanted me and I knew it. I would use this to my advantage. I was also very depressed but rarely showed it. I felt as though all my sadness, hurt, and anger would get trapped inside me. The only way I could release it would be to cut myself. I also did this to enhance my pain tolerance. If anyone tried to hurt me, I would be sure I could ignore it and block the pain.

Then I started going to church. I tried to become the stereotypical innocent church-going girl. I dressed modestly and was very quite. It was as if I had fallen back into my former self. I recall someone I know recollecting the first time they saw me at church. The church I attend is mostly contemporary. The first time I attended was on a Wednesday night for supper. I recall looking around at all the elderly people and they were dressed up nicely. I was wearing a sweater and a modest skirt. All of a sudden, I see a boy walk in with a huge mohawk, pierced ear, chains, and wearing flip flops. I was shocked. I had never seen anything like that especially in a church before. I asked “What is that?” I wanted so badly to meet him and I did. I thought he was insane. As time passed on, I wanted to get closer to him but it did not seem possible. I forced myself to be more outgoing and now that boy is one of my best friends.

The person I am now is a blend of these things. I am shy but also honest. I get depressed like everyone but I put it into poetry instead of hurting myself. I am a confident person who is also insecure about some things. I realize the thing I love most in my life is the love. I have such a variety of friends. Some are shy and innocent while others are sex addicts. I seem to fit into both groups. As odd as that is, I find it to be a gift. Today, I made some new friends. All of them are different from each other as well; one girl in particular. This girl I have been intimidated b y all semester long. I did want to get to know her. She is a good friend of one of my best friends so I figured if he thinks so highly over, she can not be that bad. Today, she was sitting at our lunch table and some of us were discussing Christmas and Santa Clause. We were saying how none of us had a fireplace and she mentioned she did and that we should all come over and hang out at her house around Christmas time. After that, we carried on a long conversation over french fries, which she shared with me and others. I feel like I am still molding myself into who I want to be. The things I like best about myself are my heart and protectiveness. Once I love you, I will fight tooth to nail for you. You have my complete loyalty. I realize I still have trust issues. It takes a while for me to completely trust someone. I am always cautious in my relationships. At times, I wish I were more trusting; other times I am glad I am not so that I will not be deceived easily as others may be. So who am I? I am an eighteen year old freshman at Macon State College who is still trying to find herself. I am a girl, a friend to many, and at time motherly.It is a scary journey to have to go through. I am always question things and most of the time the thing I question most is myself and my motives. I also know I have a safety net. I know through it all I will have my loved ones by my side. Something that frightens me is when I have to transfer colleges for Physical Therapy. I know I will not have my family and friends in whatever state I move to but I know I will when I come home. As long as I have love and I am loved, I am content with the person I am.

Respect Mostly For The Alligators

Prompt: The Aliigator River Story

In "The Alligator River Story", Abigal wants to be with her love named Gregory but he lives on the other side of the alligator infested river. Her only way of getting to Gregory is through Sinbad via his riverboat. Sinbad's terms are that Abigal must have sexual intercourse with him in order for him to take her. She declined at once. She tried confiding in her friend Ivan but he wants nothing to do with it. She sees no alternative so she agrees to Sinbad's terms. He fulfills his end of the deal and delivers her into Gregory's arms. Upon telling Gregory of her adventure, he turns her away. Heart broken, she confides in her friend Slug about her woes. Slug's beats up Gregory for harming Abigal. Abigal is over joyed seeing Gregory feel the same pain he put her through.At sun set, you can still hear Abigal laughing at Gregory.

My highest respect is for Abigal. I give her my number one spot. She sacraficed herself respect for Gregory. Her love for him surpassed her love for herself. By having sex with Sinbad, she must have felt shame in her actions but probably felt it would be worth it to be in Gregory's arms again. Having been rejected by Gregory after going through what she did, I understand her need for vengence. If a man did that to me, I'd want revenge as well and seeing him get it would delight me.

My number two spot for respect is for Slug. His actions to defend his friend that he loves is respectable to me. Violence normally isn't commendable but I think in this case that it should be. My number three spot of respect is for Gregory. Although I do not agree with his actions, I understand he must have been hurting finding out that his love had just slept with another man. However, his decision to reject her is disgusting to me.

My fourth spot is for Ivan. Even though he was only mentioned breifly, I feel the need to give him acknowledgement. His decision to stay out of his friend's delima is a choice many of us would have chosen. My fifth and least respected spot in for Sinbad. His terms of Abigal only getting passage over the river by having sex with him is vile. Such actions are only done my the lowest of lows in my opinion.

My Own Beliefs: Do Not Confuse It

Prompt: Metaphysical Assumptions

Everyone one of us has a metaphysical assumption. Metaphtsical assumptions are what you base your life upon. This would be something such a religion. My metaphysical assumption is based upon Christian beliefs. While a good bit of the time my views often conflict with my religion, I still hold Christianity as my religion of choice and base my metaphysical assumptions upon it.

There are ten major beliefs that Christians share. They are:



Christian beliefs
Below is a list of some things that Christians believe:

1. God created all that is seen and unseen
2. Jesus is the Son of God and is One with God
3. Jesus was conceived of the Holy Spirit and born of the virgin Mary
4. Jesus suffered and was crucified
5. Jesus died and was buried
6. Jesus rose again (the Resurrection)
7. Jesus ascended into Heaven
8. Jesus will return to judge the living and the dead
9. People who repent their sins will be forgiven
10. Anyone can have salvation

One of the most important passage is John 3:16 (NIV):
"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life."

I believe in all of these things. This is what Christianity is supposed to be based upon. However, some hold other things more highly. I think some christians take the Bible to seriously. I think it is all in how you interpret it. At time people take so far as to call drinking a glass of wine unholy even though Jesus himself drank wine.

My metaphysical assumptions are that Jesus died on the cross for my sins. I believe that no matter what he is always watching and only he can judge. I believe that whatever happens in life, God knows it will happen, even if it was the work of the Devil. God always hears your prayers and based upon how powerfully you believe something and how God feels it should be, that decides what will happen. I think God wants you to be able to live your own life and not always fear his wrath. As long as you love him and put him above all, you are living a christian life.

Yes, at times my view conflict with the religion. I believe in gay marriage and mixed marriages if people choose to do so. I do not think God judges by your skin color or your sexual preference. He judges based upon your heart and intentions. I am not as conservative as some devoted Christians may like for me to be. I think on my own and decide upon events based upon knowledge but do use religion as my base and guideline. I believe as long as I live a good life and believe and trust in God, I will go to Heaven.

Does Bush want a global empire?

Prompt: America as Empire?


America seems like the ultimate dream come true to most people of the world. Unlike in most countries, In America you can persue your dreams. What people around the world want most is freedom. In his book "Why Are We At War", Mailer writes "Behind the whole push to go to war with Iraq is the desire to have a huge military presence in the Middle East as a stepping-stone to taking over the rest of the world." I do not agree entirely with this statement. I believe the reason for the war in Iraq was the defend our country in the beginning.


When the terrorists attacked America, We needed to show them that we would not back down. In the beginning, Most people supported the War on Terror. My feeling about the war now have changed. I do agree with Mailer to a degree. Yes, In the beginning the war was for defending our country and freedom. Now, I feel that President Bush does want a global empire. I think we made our point by capturing and killing their dictator. Seeing the statue of Saddam fall was a proud moment for me as I am sure it was to a great many other people.


I understand some people still support this war. I respect their opinions. Some make the point that innocent lives were lost in 9/11. This is true. I say think of all the innocent lives that are being lost this very second. Why are the dying right now : to defend America? I think the US made it's point that we are not weak and will fight back. So if this has been established, Why are we still fighting? When is enough enough? Forget revenge and the oil. Forget a global empire. I saw now is enough. Why allow bush his global empire? Yes, he had good intentions at the start ,but now global empire is on his mind. I say forget the global take over and bring our boys home!

September 11th Altered Everything

Prompt: Mailer

September 11th Altered Everything

We all remember where we were on September 11, 2001. I was in History class in seventh grade. We were studying when one of my friends asked what had happened; everyone was acting weird. My teacher told me she was not allowed to tell us but we begged her until she gave in. My teacher told us America was under attack and that the school was under lock down. We were not allowed to tell the other children due to panic. I know I will never forget the feeling of fear that came over me, as I am sure neither will anyone else. Yes we all remember where we were and how we felt. The bigger question is: Do you remember how you felt before September 11th?


Norman Mailer writes in his book Why Are We A War, "Then September 11 altered everything. It was as if our TV sets had come alive.For years we had been watching maelstrom extravaganzas on the tube, and enjoying them. We were insulated. A hundredth part of ourselves could step into the box and live with the fear. now, an invasion from the Beyond! An Appearance! Gods and demons were invading the United States, coming in right off the TV screen." This is true. Before September 11, America felt safe. Then all of a sudden, It was as if our eyes were opened for the first time that we are in fact not safe.

Mailer has specfic examples of how our eyes we opened. Mailer writes of Robert Hanssen being a Soviet mole for fifteen year and of the Catholic priests who had molested so many young boys. Before September 11, We had pedophiles. However, to have priests do such thing to our children seem to hit even closer to home. September 11 made America see that we are not invincible. Now, we are more alert and see more clearly. I think September 11 was a serious wake up call for America and even for the world. Before the attack, we were blinded by deception and greed for money and power. Norman Mailer blames this upon our president George Bush. Perhaps he is correct in this assertion. I think it was because of our own deception of ourselfs.

My Take on the Issue

Prompt: Human Right Vs. Majority Rule

My Take on the Issue


Many people have different opinions when it comes to human rights vs. majority rule. An issue began in Miami several years ago rapidly spread across the nation. The issue was to attempt to legally abolish public employment discrimination based on sexual preference. I believe it is immoral to discriminate against someone due to sexual preference. If you judge someone solely on his or her sexual identity, then you will be missing out of the chance to meet what could be a new friend. Some people do believe differently. A part of society doesn’t want homosexuals a part of their lives or their children’s lives. This is when the clash between human rights and majority rule comes into play.

Human rights and majority rule has been a touchy issue for some time now. It seems to be half-and-half on the subject. The gay community is not alone in the argument over human rights. Most liberals believe in them as well. People should be considered equal regardless of sexual preference. For example: If a gay man was to be an elementary school teacher and he didn’t act inappropriately or improperly, what would the problem be in him teaching to kids? On the other side, there is majority rule. People on this side might have a problem with a gay male teacher in the example above. They most likely would say something along the lines of having a gay teacher in an inappropriate role model and would worry about the effects he might have on his students. In my opinion, this is a completely unrealistic way or thinking. I don’t believe that because a child is around homosexuals that the child would be homosexual as well. When these two issues collide a mass war of morals erupts.

I believe a person has the right to be himself or herself and not have to hide any part of themselves. As long as everyone acts decent, I don’t see any reason for the discrimination. Morally, I feel it is unethically to discriminate against anyone especially just because of whom they are attracted to. This is also my opinion socially. No one should be judged because of sexual preference.

My Opinion on the U.S. Policy of Terrorism

My Opionion on the U.S. Policy of Terrorism
Prompt: Hijack!
The US’s policy on terrorism isn’t right. If an airliner is hijacked by terrorists who threaten to blow up the plane and all its passengers if your nation does not release from custody certain convicted criminals, I believe the US policy is wrong not to make concessions with the terrorists in all situations. To make a deal with the terrorists would create more a likely chance to save the American lives in certain cases. According to http://usinfo.state.gov/journals/itps/1101/ijpe/pj63policy.htm the U.S. Counter terrorism Policy is:

 First, make no concessions to terrorists and strike no deals;
 Second, bring terrorists to justice for their crimes;
 Third, isolate and apply pressure on states that sponsor terrorism to force them to change their behavior; and
 Fourth, bolster the counterterrorism capabilities of those countries that work with the U.S. and require assistance.



The United States Government will make no concessions to terrorists holding official or private U.S. citizens hostage. It will not pay ransom, release prisoners, change its policies, or agree to other acts that might encourage additional terrorism. At the same time, the United States will use every appropriate resource to gain the safe return of American citizens who are held hostage by terrorists. Hostage-taking is defined under international law (International Convention Against the Taking of Hostages, adopted December 17, 1979) as the seizing or detaining and threatening to kill, injure, or continue to detain a person in order to compel a third party to do or abstain from doing any act as an explicit or implicit condition for the release of the seized or detained person.


It is internationally accepted that governments are responsible for the safety and welfare of persons within their borders. Aware of both the terrorist threat and public safety shortcomings in many parts of the world, the United States has developed enhanced physical and personal security programs for U.S. personnel and has established cooperative arrangements with the U.S. private sector. It also has established bilateral counter-terrorism assistance programs and close intelligence and law enforcement relationships with many nations to help prevent terrorist incidents or to resolve them in a manner that will deny the perpetrators benefits from their actions.

If it was my responsibility to decide how my nation would respond, my decision would be to hear out the terrorists demands. I would depend upon who was on the plane as well as who the terrorist would want released. For example, if the plane only had one American who was not going to live much longer, then I don’t see much point in arranging a deal with the terrorists due to the fact that they were going to die very soon anyway. However, if it was a plane full of healthy people and the terrorist wanted a few prisoners released who weren’t important to us, then I might consider it. In a case where it’s a plane of healthy Americans and the terrorists wanted Osama Bin Laden released, then I feel the US policy on terrorism is correct in its decision not to make concessions or deals with the terrorists. In my opinion, I feel the U.S. policy is wrong because it should not be concrete in all situations. The U.S. should take into consideration the situation and keep the policy as a background. I think moral principles play a huge part in my decision of if the Americans should be helped or not. In most cases, I would say do not let them go. We have counter terrorism teams. The teams have things planned such as:

 Smoking out terrorists from their hiding places,
 Draining the swamp where terrorists find safe haven,
 Pressuring states to stop supporting terrorism,
 Preventing planned terrorist attacks, and
 Bolstering the capabilities of our friends and allies to combat terrorism.



So consider the situation, keep the policy as the background and mostly rely on the policy and the counter terrorism teams.

What am I?

Prompt: Right or Wrong

Are you a moral relativist or an absolutist? Relativism is sometimes identified (usually by critics) at the thesis that all points of view are equally valid. In ethics, this amounts to saying that all moralities are equally good. Absolutism is the belief that there are absolute standards against which moral questions can be judged and that certain actions are right or wrong, devoid of the context of the act. I believe I am more of a moral relativist than an absolutist. I tend to see all points of view of a situation rather than just one side. I try to understand and take into consideration everyone’s opinion of whatever subject is in question.

As a devout Christian, my religion plays a huge part in my perception of “rightness” and “wrongness.” The tend commandments are what I try to live my life by. However, In certain situations, I think exceptions should be made. For example, thou shall not kill. This is a very clear commandment. Although ,in a case such as someone is going to kill you and the only way to live is to kill them first then I believe you are right to kill them. In the news recently, It had a story about a man who killed someone because he believed they molested his daughter. I don’t condone murder, however, I do understand his side and his reasoning in killing the person he believes violated his daughter.

All people have a view of “right” and “wrong.” Some believe what is right is what gets them more money. Others see right as what comes easiest or what feels right. “Wrong” may mean doing something bad but only if you get caught. In my opinion, “Right” is what you feel in your heart is good and what you know in your mind won’t hurt anyone. “Right” is a subjective word. I believe it’s a conscience feeling and that there is no true definition that will validate to what everyone interprets “right” to be. “Wrong” is what you know you should not do but most likely will end up doing anyway. “Wrong” I believe is also a feeling but that there are many more people that would probably agree upon what they think “wrong” is.

Perception in my Life

Promt: Perception

I believe Gorgia's and Socrates’ perception that one can't have an objective perception. Can perceptions change? Are they subjective or objective perceptions? Have perceptions changed over the years? I believe they have. Racism is still a problem today even though slavery ended in the mid to late 1800's. I do not think I can ever truly relate to the trauma of slavery since I was not in a position to experience such suffering. Now racism is not limited to just blacks and whites. It exceeds to all races. I have noticed that after 9/11 racism is especially bad for Arabs. My reaction when I see someone dressed in Muslim attire is a feeling of uneasiness and at times fear. This is obviously my subjective perception. I do not believe this is solely because of race. It is also because of their culture. However, my eyes we opened a bit when I watched a television show one night. Another lady, having similar feelings as mine, was dressed up in Muslim attire and went out on the town with an Arab lady. I saw and at times felt the discrimination and prejudice that she experienced everyday of her life. I had just a taste of what it was like to walk in her shoes.

The way a person carries himself or herself has an effect on our perception as well. If you’re giving a job interview, and there are two people equally as qualified, whom would you choose? The person in the suit who carries themselves professionally or the person wearing dirty overalls? Most likely, you would hire the professional person. I believe this is true, not just in interview, but in everyday life. The way you speak, walk, stand, and sit all have all effect on people’s perception of you. We are not supposed to be judgmental but in all actuality we are.

Culture is another subject that plays a huge part in our perceptions. I think more of the time culture and religion go together. I felt tension with the Arab lady because of her culture opposed to mine. I am a Methodist. However, I am interested in studying other religions. This is not because I wish to convert but because I felt that if people could understand what people of other cultures and religions believe that then we could perceive each other alot better. The discussions was have had in class have opened my eyes alot. I realize how at times I am closed-minded to others. This perception blog and the discussions have made me question my own tastes, perceptions of others, and how others perceive me.

About Me

My name is Heather Elizabeth Jones. I am currently a freshman at Macon State College and majoring in Information Technology. I chose this major because it has been something that has interested me for a few years now. I have had a good deal of experience in it since I have been trained at my church to run all of the technical componets for them. This is one of my interests. Some others are swimming, exploring, and hanging out with my friends, both on and offline. I am very glad a good bit of assignments are online. That was one thing about college that made me happy. Others were how the atomsphere was so much different that high school and much more organized. However, I am still learning where everything is located but I will learn it in due time.